# serious rant



## bluekrissyspikes (Apr 16, 2009)

okay, here we go. my step-son came to live with us a few years ago when his first mom gave him away. we had never heard of him before this happened so he was quite a surprise. when she gave him up they took him and told her they were going to put him up for adoption for her(along with three of his siblings) and needed his fathers permission. so then they phoned here and asked us if we were okay with that and if we wanted to see him. so we met him and ended up taking him in because i couldn't live with knowing that my kids would have a brother out there they didn't know about, even if we did just find out about him ourselves and i knew we could give him a way better home than he was coming from anyways. so for all this time we have been struggling with him. he was 2 when he got here and couldn't say anything other than 'car' and 'cookie'. we soon found out that he had a lot of undiagnosed special needs and have brought him to zillions of appointments with specialists, worked with behaviour management to help him get through some things, like destroying everything he touches and always hitting himself to the point of bruising his face, to stealing and crying all the time for no apparent reason. so now we know he has fetal alcohol syndrome with drug effects and autism and we have a long road ahead of us. he is supposed to start school in a couple weeks and we went everywhere trying to get him a birth certificate but since we never filed for 'full custody' of him(didn't know we needed to) and his birth mother filled out his birth registration with father unknown we couldn't get one. we tried to do everything we could including speaking to the mp and the super-intendant at the school board to get around having to talk to his birth mother to get one. so time is running out quick and after three weeks of search we found her. we asked her if she had his birth certificate and she didn't but she agreed to order him one. this was last week. now, keep in mind this woman has been addicted to drugs and alcohol forever and GAVE her kids AWAY thinking they would be adopted to strangers and never see them again.... so today we get a knock on the door from CAS saying that the birth mother has filed for CUSTODY of him and that she is going to be coming to pick him up for a visit in the near future and we have NO CHOICE but to let her. they are also saying crap like 'people make mistakes' and 'everyone changes' and 'she has a good chance'.... so i'm left asking WTF??? he was 18 months old last time she saw him and he's almost 5 now. he doesn't remember her. he has no idea who she is. for frig sakes she was working the streets when i first met her while she was pregnant with him(right before i started dating bf).. why does she have the right to come in here and get involved in his life after purposely giving him away? i'm pretty upset....... anyways. that's my rant. sorry for dropping it on you guys but i had to complain to someone and well, your them.


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## Riceburner (Mar 14, 2008)

I feel for you and I'm sure everyone would. Unfortunately you didn't file for FULL custody at the time you took him in. It's all about legality, not fairness/justice. It sucks big, but you may have a big fight ahead. Get prepared for it. If the "mother" was/is a crack head, I wonder if she's gonna try to squeeze you for $.


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## bigfishy (Jun 19, 2009)

Riceburner said:


> I feel for you and I'm sure everyone would. Unfortunately you didn't file for FULL custody at the time you took him in. It's all about legality, not fairness/justice. It sucks big, but you may have a big fight ahead. Get prepared for it. If the "mother" was/is a crack head, I wonder if she's gonna try to squeeze you for $.


Even if you have 100% custody, the birth mother still have the RIGHT to see their child


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## KnaveTO (May 13, 2007)

bigfishy said:


> Even if you have 100% custody, the birth mother still have the RIGHT to see their child


Not always. My father lost his right to see my sister and I due to his continuous refusal to pay child support. Cases where the parent is an abuser, addict and other serious conditions can lead to a removal of any visitation rights. They will always have the option to reapply to the courts once such conditions are proven to be overcome. This parent obviously used drugs and alcohol during her pregnancy, obviously didn't want the child once born. To me that is giving up parental custodial rights, however I am not a lawyer. At the very least I would demand supervised visits if you have to give in to the CAS in regards to that matter. Her history should require them at the very least.


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## flanneryc (Jul 25, 2009)

KnaveTO said:


> Not always. My father lost his right to see my sister and I due to his continuous refusal to pay child support. Cases where the parent is an abuser, addict and other serious conditions can lead to a removal of any visitation rights. They will always have the option to reapply to the courts once such conditions are proven to be overcome. This parent obviously used drugs and alcohol during her pregnancy, obviously didn't want the child once born. To me that is giving up parental custodial rights, however I am not a lawyer. At the very least I would demand supervised visits if you have to give in to the CAS in regards to that matter. Her history should require them at the very least.


KnaveTo.. You took the very words out of my mouth. The visits should be atleast supervised at first!!!! Who knows what this woman is up to??

I feel for you bluekrissyspikes... bad situation for sure.. Thanks for sharing with us all


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## hojimoe (Mar 7, 2008)

visits should be supervised at your home, and/or a mutual place, public or a 'friends' house... the mother shouldn't be able to take the kid right away..

I say go file for full custody now, get a lawyer, it will be a fight, but it's not worth it to you and the kid to not fight it..... 

frankly with FAS, the mother shouldn't be allowed back to see the kid if she's given them up.... 

if the little guy has trouble walking or anything like quick uncontrolled movements (spastic), which is quite common, don't hesitate to PM me, I can set you up with an appointment at my work, we can make braces to help him out with control or just being able to walk.... with FAS the need is quite common


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## blossom112 (Mar 19, 2008)

I do feel for you !!

good luck!


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## bluekrissyspikes (Apr 16, 2009)

thanks for the support everyone. i am very frustrated with this situation. i am going to do whatever i can to see if i can stop her. maybe it's selfish of me in a way, because i AM his mom now but i don't think she deserves to see him at all after giving him away and what she did to him before he was even born. i am going to make sure i am there when he sees her too if i can't stop it. and i'm thinking of telling him to be naughty as he can while she is there. i think she is being selfish and he's going to get hurt



hojimoe said:


> visits should be supervised at your home, and/or a mutual place, public or a 'friends' house... the mother shouldn't be able to take the kid right away..
> 
> I say go file for full custody now, get a lawyer, it will be a fight, but it's not worth it to you and the kid to not fight it.....
> 
> ...


thanks for the offer, but he walks well. he waves his hands around alot and is constantly rocking back and forth to comfort himself but there isn't anything that can help that, i don't think.


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## KnaveTO (May 13, 2007)

The constantly rocking back and forth is more related to the autism, than the FAS. The fact that he is special needs and that you two have raised him since he was little will bear some weight in regards to custody, and I would feel that the mothers fault and addictions (even if recovered) will work against her, as their would be a high chance of relapse with the stress of raising a special needs child.


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## Hitch (Apr 26, 2009)

sorry to hear about the custody situation. Especially about the little guy.

But like hojimoe suggested, file for custody and get a lawyer asap.


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## Ciddian (Mar 15, 2006)

Oohh gosh.. your story mimics one in my family slightly. Thankfully the mother did end up giving her rights over to the family to help take care of her child. She did abandon the baby in the snow in front of sick kids and they had let her take him back... O_O we had all been very upset about it but it seemed to work out.

I do hope you get to keep him... It seems insane to let her take him back to me.


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## bluekrissyspikes (Apr 16, 2009)

wow.....she left her baby in the snow? poor thing. at least this woman had the sense to turn them over to CAS. 
it's hard not to keep getting upset again about this. everytime i think about it i want to either cry or scream. i have a lawyers appointment coming up so i'm goin to ask him about getting a childs lawyer for my step-son and i made an appointment with CAS as well because i have some questions about what makes them think she is 'better' now and stuff.


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## bluekrissyspikes (Apr 16, 2009)

Good news. She decided not to bother fighting for him. apparently she was just going through a lil' hard time coming to realize what she had done, and regretting it but now she's back to her old ways. i'm told someone sent her some pictures of him(not me) and that was good enough for her. so yeah!!! all that stress for nothing. 
we are still going for full custody of him though, just incase this comes up again but at the very least it will buy us some time to get those paper in order to keep the situation under control. in a way, i feel kind of guilty for taking so much joy in the fact that her life is falling apart again but i am just so thankful my little man will be staying here and that he does not have to go down with her as she makes the mistakes she needs to make.


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## Hitch (Apr 26, 2009)

thats good to hear.


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