# Ponderisms



## Grey Legion (Mar 20, 2006)

Ponderisms
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


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## Pablo (Mar 27, 2006)

*Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
*

_Because its a cartoon_

*If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?*
_
You can't make an entertaining cartoon out of somebody ordering dinner. Only Seinfeld can pull that off._

*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?*
_
its still cheaper/easier to make a square box_

*Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?*

_It wouldn't be heaven if you did_
*
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?*

_he's a professor not a mechanic_

*Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?*

_you can never have too much power_

*Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?*
_
I think you meant the atmosphere. Its a meteor/meteorite as soon as it enters the atmosphere.
Since hemhorroids are technically 'in' your butt--lets not get too specific- they would be butteorites._

*Can a hearse with a dead person drive in the carpool lane*

_Yes. It says 2 or more people. It doesn't say they must be alive._

*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?*

_Its Jimmy crack corn and I don't care- my massa's gone away. So we assume the massa would care, and would probably smack Jimmy around a little if he found out. _

*How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?*
_
The moon landing was fake. Luggage is real._

*Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?*

_I believe it has to do with the constant pliability of the television as a medium, in that it can be displaying any one of a hundred channels at once, whereas a movie once made is a rather permanent thing. Like you're IN a book (permanent), IN a movie (permanent), ON stage (impermanent), ON a bus, ON a plane- but IN a car- because if its your car it has permanence... I've often wondered this and I think I have a solid answer.

ON a ship

IN a submarine

IN a building <<assuming you live there right?

then there's stuff like ON my bike-- but you can't be IN the bike-- unless its this one







_

*Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
*

_But watching someone get nekkid is kinky_

*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?*
_
Evolution has failed to provide us with the abilities to fly or have telescopic vision_


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## Grey Legion (Mar 20, 2006)

LOL..you have way to much time on your hands.. 

But good answers..


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## Pablo (Mar 27, 2006)

*Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?*

_Originally humans were single-boobed. The term 'bra' simply hasn't evolved with the species._

*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?*

_All signs point to yes_

*What disease did cured ham actually have?*

_Parkinsons_

*Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
*
_
Ill GIVE YOU a penny for your thoughts_

_let me put MY two cents in.

The extra penny pays for you giving your opinion without being asked. _

*Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?*

_They wake up in their own poo too. Its just a saying._

*If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?*
_
Yes._
*
Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?*
_
Laziness.
_

*How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?*

_You have to be a political/religious/monarch leader, usually of fairly high standing and holding some kind of important office.

You wouldn't say you assassinated the minister of finance, but you would say you assassinated the president, or a senator, or the queen._

I have a real mind screwer for ya---

What kind of sick company comes out with DIAMOND Shreddies.

Have you guys seen this?

They just took the same Shreddies they've made since like 1492, and turned them 45 degrees in the photograph on the box. What the hell is that?

http://meanwhile.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/diamond-shreddies-pack.jpg

http://www.toyarchive.com/MIMP/MIMPCerealBoxFRONT.gif

They're the same freakin shreddies!!!


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## kweenshaker (Mar 11, 2006)

Pablo said:


> I have a real mind screwer for ya---
> 
> What kind of sick company comes out with DIAMOND Shreddies.
> 
> ...


I'm pretty sure this was done tongue-in-cheek.

Oh, and the bra was named in the days when A&E were in the Garden of Eden. It's a very sexist term, since men have no use for them (well, some _should_ lol) But you know the story, don't you?


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## gunnerx (Mar 20, 2008)

Bra is short form of Brassiere who was the person responsible for inventing it.

*Why does Donald put a towel around his waist when he takes a bath but only wears a shirt everywhere else?*


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## kweenshaker (Mar 11, 2006)

gunnerx said:


> Bra is short form of Brassiere who was the person responsible for inventing it.


Nah, I like my theory better.



gunnerx said:


> *Why does Donald put a towel around his waist when he takes a bath but only wears a shirt everywhere else?*


Who on earth is Donald? A wacky uncle?


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## Grey Legion (Mar 20, 2006)

Donald Duck


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## kweenshaker (Mar 11, 2006)

well i guess i wasn't wrong in saying wacky uncle


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