# Question: On borrowing things and making reparations



## WateraDrop (Nov 16, 2008)

Hello! I've been having an issue with one of my so-called friends and I've been stuck on figuring out what to do so I thought it would be nice to come to the forum and ask around.

First: If you borrow something, it's only right and natural for you to think (and do) that you should keep the thing in the condition that you got it in. Right?

Well, the situation:

I lent a laptop to one of my close friends. We had an agreement that he would keep it in the condition that he got it in and not eat around it nor would he let anyone touch it. 

A few weeks ago, I take a look at it. It's infected with dozens of viruses (he turned off the anti-virus because "it bothered him") and the exterior was scratched and filthy as if he ate KFC and smeared his hands all over it.

When I told him that I didn't want the laptop back in the condition that it was in, he said, "oh, well thanks for the laptop then". Nope. That wasn't a bad joke. He was sincere about that.

Several times over the past few weeks, I've said to him: you either need to fix this, pay me, replace it, whatever. I understood that replacing it entirely is unreasonable so I told him to do the first two but I digress -- he responded in a way that he thought I was wrong. As if I was the person at fault for asking him to make reparations for the damage he incurred on my laptop.

So here's my question for you: what do I do? I don't want to just take it back because I honestly don't want it back in the condition that it's in. I've tried reasoning with this person but he's somehow managed to say that I'm the person at fault. I'd love to sue him and whatnot, but being a student, money doesn't really flow from every orifice. 

In hindsight, it was a bad decision and now I know to never lend things out ever again.


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## solarz (Aug 31, 2010)

Hey, sorry to hear about this. It really sucks when someone takes advantage of your generosity.

Unfortunately, there's really nothing much you can do other than not lending him anything else in the future.

Do you have mutual friends that could help you persuade this person?


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## tom g (Jul 8, 2009)

*my thoughts*

go there and take back your laptop , then wash your hands of this person and his friendship , just my take on it . but why should he gain a laptop .
i have had a similar situation happen but mine was not about a item
my brother asked me if i would help a cousin of ours , which i have not seen in 15 years , i gave her room and board to help her get on her feet, all i asked was that she go to school and get a job , to save money to get her own place 
well two months she sat on her ass and moped about "poor me "then the lies about looking for a job . well on the third month i asked her to start paying me 50 bucks a week to help at home with the free food ,water ,hydro, and what not
well she gave me 100 bucks , then never saw another dime .lol well i told her to get out i gave her one week to have her stuff out . she did , she also left all her garbage in the room i also found a box in the basement with all her dirty dishes that she could not wash and put away . so once bitten twice shy and this is family never again .this person does not value what u have given them like i said i would go there get your laptop in the condition it is in weather acceptable to u or not . get it fixed or sell it and get another . but jsut dont ever do anything for this person again 
just my opinion 
tom


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## laurahmm (Apr 1, 2010)

I agree with Tom G. You should just get your laptop back and wash your hands of this person. However if this bothers you, you do have another option that may be more time consuming but it may make you feel better. You mentioned that you are a student. I'm not sure if you meant highschool but I'm assuming university/college? There is usually a legal aid division that consists of law students who may be able to help you out with this. I would just book an initial appointment first and see what they say or can do. After that, it's up to you. You can decide to go ahead or just take your laptop back. However, if it was me, I would just take my laptop back seeing that you are a student and this will be time consuming. However, an initial visit to the legal aid department will clarify your rights and what legal action you can pursue without going to small claims court hopefully or if you do go, the law students can help figure out the steps/forms. Goodluck!


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## tom g (Jul 8, 2009)

*thoughts*

some people learn to do this at early ages and its totally learned behaviour 
they may have been thinking this was totally ok and hoping for u to say what u did . so even if u get your laptop and throw it in the garbage which u wont cause there is guys out here who would give u money for the product . hint hint ,knudge knudge . thats not the point but my thinking this person jsut scored a free laptop screw him not fair to working class people who work hard for there things . lesson leared tho . nothing more than a cup of sugar from now on .i know that it tugs at your heart to help people but sometimes its better off to say or pretend u didnt hear someone when they ask for help . i have a guy at work who constantly wants to borrow tools from me but i just look him in the face and say sorry i took them home to do a side job. meanwhile they are in my tool box anyways this is sort of a sore subject for me as i relize more and more people are taking advantage of innocent people 
tom


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## Will (Jul 24, 2008)

Go over get your laptop, _take a double decker poop in his toilet_ while you are there, leave politely (do not act out, this type of person would likely get joy from that), and never initiate contact with them again.

It's not worth your time or money to go to court, and not worth the small claims court's time either. You are just as much, or more hurt by this person, than the actual damages occured. Next time you will be wiser, and that is something you have gained from this. If you share mutual close friends, without being rude or angry, you can share the basics and let them know so that they can avoid getting burned also. Don't slander the person, their faults will follow them through life.

As for the laptop, You cannot be too mad over viruses. Those are simple enough to get rid of. Format or run some virus scrubbing programs.

Some grease on your laptop, gross, but easily cleaned. Scratches, tough luck, it happens. Some laptops have replacable covers for them, others have nice cases you can slip them into. These bare no impact to the actual item's use so if you can't bare to use an item for something so entirely asthetic, then you've probably been hurt psycologically by this experience.

As someone else said, nothing more than a cup of sugar. For everything else, a written contract or a equally valuable deposit could be taken.


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## Kerohime (Jan 10, 2011)

Thats really disrespectful of your things. 
My friend lent me her Ipad and I keep this thing under lockdown. I even bought a case and screen protector for it in case anything happens. Its actually always in a drawer if I'm not using it. 

its just simply disrespectful to do that to someone else's property that you knew you were going to return.


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## tom g (Jul 8, 2009)

*thoughts*

love the double decker poop indea .lmao thanks for making me smile .lol
ditto to all will said dont give him/her have the satisfaction of keeping your laptop if u dont want it donate it to someone who will appreciate it 
anyways let us know when you get it back


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## Riceburner (Mar 14, 2008)

+1111111

Get the laptop back. Wash your hands of them. Format the laptop and start with it fresh.


If you borrow something return it in original condition or be prepared to replace.

You will figure out who are real friends and who you can trust with your stuff.


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## mrobson (Mar 5, 2011)

a good friend would of taken care of it or at least fixed it, i would take the lap top back and ask for some cash to cover the damages.


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## sig (Dec 13, 2010)

that's what the friends are for. Do not think that everybody who you know is your friend.

As we say in russian - you should eat together "many ponds of salt" before can call each other a friend.

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## DaFishMan (Dec 19, 2006)

I never lend stuff anymore its the fastest way to lose it.


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## 50seven (Feb 14, 2010)

DaFishMan said:


> I never lend stuff anymore its the fastest way to lose it.


Yeah, usually if you don't get it back within a week then you never will.

Sent from my HTC Magic using Tapatalk


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## WateraDrop (Nov 16, 2008)

At the moment, I'm considering going through small claims court as well as getting him booked for an academic offence that he committed last year.


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## characinfan (Dec 24, 2008)

WateraDrop said:


> At the moment, I'm considering going through small claims court as well as getting him booked for an academic offence that he committed last year.


I appreciate that you want to get back at this person for the disrespectful way he treated you (because, ultimately, it's about you, not your stuff) but unless the laptop was quite costly and had a lot of expensive software on it, small claims court will probably cost you more time and energy than it's worth.

As for the academic offense, you would need to have very compelling proof about his misbehaviour (as in a paper trail that could not possibly have been faked) in order for anything to get done, and, chances are, nothing will get done about it. This is especially true if he goes to York. (Sorry to say it, but I have worked there, and that has been my experience). 

I agree with the others. Get the laptop back, wipe it clean, and write the guy off -- and don't be afraid to tell other people what a jerk he was, so that they can avoid him, too.


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## WateraDrop (Nov 16, 2008)

The laptop alone cost $2000 and was loaded with Windows 7 Ultimate and a library of statistical software. 

On the issue of the academic offence --

I'm surprised at the passive approach that York takes to academic misconduct. I go to UofT. If I bring this to the instructor of the course that he committed the offence in, I'm sure that this will be brought up to a tribunal and the chair of the department for intensive review.

I understand that it's just the easier way to go by taking my stuff back. However, time and time again, disrespect has come my way regardless of my good treatment of this individual. He can say goodbye to med school forever. 

As vindictive as this sounds, his parents seemingly failed in raising a child to function properly in society. I'll do them the favour of teaching him that this isn't okay.


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## Zortch (Nov 3, 2010)

I think you may be surprised to find how lightly most universities take academic offenses. I could be wrong though and of course I don't know the details of his particular situation. (undergrad at UWO, now grad at UofT ) You may wish to be a little bit careful to make sure you cannot be punished for knowing of the offense for all this time and saying nothing as you are just bringing this up now. I don't know of any rules like that, but just make sure heh.


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## mrobson (Mar 5, 2011)

i would just keep in mind karma can be a bitch i understand you feel wronged but you should know were to draw the line, this guy may be a prick but you still loaned him the computer knowing how he is. Just try and get what you can in reparations and part ways if hes that big of a dick he will get whats coming to him.


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## sig (Dec 13, 2010)

DaFishMan said:


> I never lend stuff anymore its the fastest way to lose it.


This is the fastest way to loose "friends". It is the same as landing money. You feel uncomfortable to ask. The guy leaves perfect life and you do not sleep

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## tom g (Jul 8, 2009)

*advice*

are u still on talking terms with this shit head . if u are i seriously would rec going over there picking up your laptop and walking out of the house , and never talking to him again , the rest all sounds good if u are interested in taking him to small claims court then do it personally if u have the chance to get it back go get it back it will cost u less then to go to court. i know u are just angry but go over to his place wait for him/her to go to bathroom grab your laptop and walk out simple as that . whats he gonna do call the police .


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## Hoyuen (Jun 23, 2011)

WateraDrop said:


> I understand that it's just the easier way to go by taking my stuff back. However, time and time again, disrespect has come my way regardless of my good treatment of this individual. He can say goodbye to med school forever.
> 
> As vindictive as this sounds, his parents seemingly failed in raising a child to function properly in society. I'll do them the favour of teaching him that this isn't okay.


do it! It's pure disrespect in his part and you shouldn't have to take it laying face down. No educated person (who goes to med school) will assume that you would give him a $2000 laptop because he got it dirty. If what you are telling us is 100% true, he's thinks you are weak, and is just toying with you in your face.


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