# Wtf? Lol!



## Erratic-Fish-Finatic (Apr 23, 2012)

Read the entire description lol.

http://www.kijiji.ca/v-fish/mississ...en/1234194979?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true


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## carl (Feb 11, 2010)

Lol, that guy has waaaay to much time on his hands


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## planter (Jun 9, 2008)

Lol agreed but it was well written


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## mmatt (Feb 12, 2012)

Bahahaha! Amazing find. But the description should be broken down into chapters. Lol


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## Maple (Sep 14, 2016)

Great catch - best laugh today!


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## Erratic-Fish-Finatic (Apr 23, 2012)

Had a good laugh reading throughout the post, but what really did it in for me was the seat hopping/license and registration, and banana lol!


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## Mikeylikes (Nov 22, 2013)

I think he needs help ... lol


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## cb1021 (Sep 21, 2009)

brilliant fsfds


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## c31979839 (Nov 26, 2014)

In a nutshell... 

"Hello there! Thank you for taking the time to view this ad. 

Well, it is with great sadness that I have to find a new home for my dear pet, Wubsie. Wubsie is a "triops", which is an ancient species which has been around since the Cambrian Explosion over 300 million years ago. A little further on the evolutionary timeline than the trilobyte but far behind the horseshoe crab. They normally don't get this big, but from the beginning I fed her shrimp pellets mixed with Creatine (that supplement that bodybuilders use to bulk up). I can't say exactly what her measurements are because I can't get too close (more on that later), but I would guess that from head to tail she's about 28 inches. 

After a couple of back and forth emails with the head of the biology department at the University of Kitchener, he eventually offered me $4000 for this specimen. But when I pressed him on what his plans for Wubsie were, he was very vague...almost to the point of being evasive. He kept on saying he and his team would "study" her. It just didn't sit well with me. So the point is that I'm letting her go for $40 because I don't care about the money -- I just want to be absolutely certain that Wubsie is going to a loving home and that she will be well cared for.

I started out with several triops about 7 months ago. Unfortunately, Wubsie eventually consumed the others, being as she was the largest and most dominant. Don't let that spook you. That's nothing to do with her disposition -- it's just the way nature works. Most species engage in cannibalism. One ironic exception is the cannibal fish found off the Southern coast of Paupau New Guinea. 

Once upon a time Wubsie was very sweet. She loved have her tail stroked and being scratched behind the antenna. She loved to play ball too. I could lob the small rubber ball into the tank and she would retrieve it and thrust it back out to me. We could play like that for hours. I had videos of it but my wife erased the files because she thought they might be videos of an adult nature that I tried to camouflage by giving innocent-sounding titles. I told her I don't do that any more. I don't do it that often. 

But about 2 months ago, me and the wife had a little weekend get-away in Niagara Falls (I'm still kicking myself for this). We left her two bratty kids in the care of her idiot 16 year old niece, who totally doesn't smoke pot any more her mother swears. Yeah what could possibly go wrong? Anyway I know the little punks did something to her. Oh they'll never admit it in a million years, but I know they did. Wubsie became very vicious after that. 

I attempted to pet her tail later in the week and she chewed off the first joint of my pinky finger. The wound became infected and it wound up being amputated at the half way point. The surgeon attempted to graft one of my toes onto the site, but it didn't take. So I wound up losing the finger and the toe as well. 

I yelled at those stupid kids after that. The snotty 7 year old girl says, "You're not our real dad!" And I says, "Oh, your 'real' dad, huh? This would be the same real dad who moved out to Alberta so he wouldn't have to deal with you and your brother? This is the same real dad who promises to come see you for the summer and take you to Canada's Wonderland, and take you to have lots of fun at Nana's cottage and then he bails on you at the very last minute....like he always does? Is that the real dad you're talking about?! Oh...oh....here come the tears! Here come the gd tears!" 

My wife once said to me "Why can't you be a real man, like Steve, and adopt the kids?" (Steve was her friend's husband). I said, "Yeah Steve's a real man alright. Real desperate. And Kerri knows it too. You watch -- she's gonna take that chump for a ride!" And guess what? Eighteen months later, she announces to him out of the blue that 1) she doesn't love him and she never did, 2) she met someone new and 3) tells him to get out of "her" house immediately. One way ticket to Chumpsville for the Steve-a-reeno! Never heard any more adoption talk after that. 

Okay let's talk about transporting Wubsie. I figured that her moving to a new home would be enough of an upheaval without putting her through the trauma of moving her to a new aquarium as well. So the aquarium goes with her. She's in a 100 gallon aquarium and we can mostly likely get away with draining half the water for the move, but it's still going to weigh a ton. I wish I could help you move the aquarium but I blew out a disc at work last year and I don't want to mess around with that injury. I have a very strong friend, Sheldon....he's a really strong Newfie and he could probably lift it all by himself. Unfortunately, Sheldon is about as reliable as a $3 watch. If he agrees to something, the chances of him actually showing up are about 5 to 1. So you're going to have to supply the muscle. 

(I don't want to rude here but I just wanted to say that if you're one of those shifty types who is looking to score a free aquarium + accessories by pretending you're going to provide a loving home for Wubsie...I can spot you guys a mile away, you all have the same "tell". So don't even bother.) 

You're going to have to rent a U-Haul van to transport Wubsie. I will drive it to your place of residence. I'm sure you're a very good driver, but we have to take it really slow . If we're turning very slowly at an intersection and the driver behind us lays on the horn, my big fear is that you will be spooked and stomp the gas pedal. So it's best that I drive. I have a suspended license so it would probably be a good idea if we practised doing the quick seat for ten minutes in the driveway just on the slight chance we get pulled over by the police or we encounter a RIDE program or something. One thing I've discovered is that police officers are eager to send you on your way if you tell them that your license/ownership/insurance is in the glove compartment but you can't retrieve it because there's a large yellow jacket nest in there. If the officer persists, you say that the glove box is haunted as well. Now I've seen cops who were not afraid of yellow jackets and I've seen cops who were not afraid of ghosts...but I've never encountered the cop who was unafraid of yellow jackets AND ghosts. The policeman usually says, "Well, we'll let it go this time. But you have to take care of that wasp's nest pronto!" And then you just go on your way. 

A word about proper water PH balance. It's a good idea to monitor the PH balance of the aquarium water. Checking it once a week is a suffcient using the following simple test. Take a green banana and poke several holes in it with a fork. Next, completely immerse the banana in the aquarium water for a duration of 1-2 hours. Remove the banana from the aquarium and place it in the toilet. Flush the banana down the toilet. If it flushes down, then the PH balance of the aquarium water is within acceptable levels. If the toilet becomes jammed up, then you have a problem. You will then have to use the Google to find the "Restoring Triops Aquarium Water to Healthy PH Levels" article that appeared in the October 17th, 1983 edition of Vanity Fair. 

Okay that was quite a lot of information to take in. Thank you very much for your patience. If you think that could provide a good home for Wubsie, please contact me."


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